I have been re-evaluating my blogging. Well, it seems I have been doing this ever since I started blogging! Anyway, I have decided to retire this blog. I will continue to blog, but primarily about books - my enduring passion. I have enjoyed immensely meeting you all here. I have also enjoyed meeting many of you in person. If you are interested in following my bookish journey please visit me here:
rubyredbooks.blogspot.com
But if this isn't your "cup of tea" I wish you all the best in your life's journey. As it has been said, Good night and good luck :-)
Monday, June 01, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
This Twisty-Turny Life
It's been a helluva three weeks and that is just from an outsider looking in. I cannot begin to imagine what it was like for my father. Firstly, let me just say that he is well and truly alive and now at home. But this ending doesn't really do the whole story justice. The key points in the whole roller-coaster ride played out like this:
Take one 75 year old man and add an eight and half hour operation. Take out his gall bladder for stones and his spleen because it was adhered to the pancreas and well, it was also just in the way. Remove some cancer from the bowel and something suspicious from the pancreas. Deposit him in intensive care where he nearly dies from unmanageably high blood pressure and suspected heart failure. Add lots and lots of pain. He lives; against the odds. Put him out on the surgical ward where he seems to be ignored for a better part of the afternoon. A nurse arrives, hooray. And a good and caring one at that. They were not all to be like this. Add lots of drugs and x-rays for suspected pneumonia and a brain scan which finally identifies why he can longer see to the right out of both of his eyes. Added extra; one stroke during surgery. [At this stage I asked myself why I had recently chosen to read The Patient by Mohamed Khadra]. Throw in some high temperatures, more drugs, more high blood pressure, more good staff and bad and you have the whole gamut of my father's recent trip to hospital. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But one final piece of good news - the suspicious growth on his pancreas is not cancer. Also there is no evidence of cancer in the lymph nodes (from the bowel cancer). This means no chemotherapy. Double hooray.
Unfortunately, it seems my feeling that I may be reading to my father (see my last post) was all too prescient. As mentioned above, he can no longer see properly and cannot, at this stage, work out how to read, watch television and he probably will not be able to drive ever again. The eyes and brain may be able to compensate for some of the loss but this is only conjecture at this stage. It reminds me how precious eyesight is and the thought of not being able to read truly frightens me. I will be more interested than ever to read Norman Doidges' book, The Brain That Changes Itself and see him talk on the subject at the upcoming Sydney Writer's Festival.
Well, all that sitting around in hospital waiting areas and rooms did result in some reading time. Luckily I had chosen to take with me Sebastian Barry's The Secret Scripture. Anything less would have resulted in my mind wandering to all sorts of unhelpful places (well, wandering there too often - I couldn't stop it completely of course) and there is also only so many trashy magazines one can take in at one time. [As a quick aside, avoid when possible any entry into intensive care waiting rooms - a more harrowing and heart-breaking experience you may well never have.] I had previously read Barry's A Long Long Way and added him immediately to my must-read authors list. The Secret Scripture is beautifully written. It follows the travails of the aged Roseanne McNulty as she is being assessed for re-housing following the government decision to shut down the psychiatric hospital in which she has lived for the better part of her life. The story follows the interactions between Roseanne and her doctor and Roseanne's rather harrowing early history, through the alternating journal entries of each. I have read a number of reviews of this book by professional and novice alike and it seems most laud Barry's writing prowess but some dislike what they consider the unrealistic plot contrivances and coincidences. Some also believe Roseanne's trials overly harsh and therefore somewhat unbelievable. I have to say I do not agree with either of these opinions. I was mesmerised by the book and found it swept me up and took me completely into Roseanne's world of very limited options, presided over by some very self-serving and self-deluded individuals. There is one final revelation at the end of the book which many readers may see coming - I did not. That is why I am the darling of all crime writers! I hardly ever see these sorts of things coming. But I found with The Secret Scripture, I was avidly reading along, so much in the present moment that my heart gave a flip when I read this final revelation. I thought the whole book superb and would class it as the best book I have read so far this year. It was on the recent Booker shortlist but lost out to Aravinda Adiga's The White Tiger. It has however, subsequently won the Costa Book Award. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
Finally, but most importantly, thank you for all the well-wishes and emails received on my last post. It's very hard to face the mortality of one's own parent (or any close friend or family member I am sure) but I feel being able to write about it here lets me put down some of the load, even for short time, which is a blessed and restorative relief indeed :-) Also, I hope now to have time to go blog visiting and all sorts of wonderfully normal life-stuff like that ...
Take one 75 year old man and add an eight and half hour operation. Take out his gall bladder for stones and his spleen because it was adhered to the pancreas and well, it was also just in the way. Remove some cancer from the bowel and something suspicious from the pancreas. Deposit him in intensive care where he nearly dies from unmanageably high blood pressure and suspected heart failure. Add lots and lots of pain. He lives; against the odds. Put him out on the surgical ward where he seems to be ignored for a better part of the afternoon. A nurse arrives, hooray. And a good and caring one at that. They were not all to be like this. Add lots of drugs and x-rays for suspected pneumonia and a brain scan which finally identifies why he can longer see to the right out of both of his eyes. Added extra; one stroke during surgery. [At this stage I asked myself why I had recently chosen to read The Patient by Mohamed Khadra]. Throw in some high temperatures, more drugs, more high blood pressure, more good staff and bad and you have the whole gamut of my father's recent trip to hospital. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But one final piece of good news - the suspicious growth on his pancreas is not cancer. Also there is no evidence of cancer in the lymph nodes (from the bowel cancer). This means no chemotherapy. Double hooray.
Unfortunately, it seems my feeling that I may be reading to my father (see my last post) was all too prescient. As mentioned above, he can no longer see properly and cannot, at this stage, work out how to read, watch television and he probably will not be able to drive ever again. The eyes and brain may be able to compensate for some of the loss but this is only conjecture at this stage. It reminds me how precious eyesight is and the thought of not being able to read truly frightens me. I will be more interested than ever to read Norman Doidges' book, The Brain That Changes Itself and see him talk on the subject at the upcoming Sydney Writer's Festival.
Well, all that sitting around in hospital waiting areas and rooms did result in some reading time. Luckily I had chosen to take with me Sebastian Barry's The Secret Scripture. Anything less would have resulted in my mind wandering to all sorts of unhelpful places (well, wandering there too often - I couldn't stop it completely of course) and there is also only so many trashy magazines one can take in at one time. [As a quick aside, avoid when possible any entry into intensive care waiting rooms - a more harrowing and heart-breaking experience you may well never have.] I had previously read Barry's A Long Long Way and added him immediately to my must-read authors list. The Secret Scripture is beautifully written. It follows the travails of the aged Roseanne McNulty as she is being assessed for re-housing following the government decision to shut down the psychiatric hospital in which she has lived for the better part of her life. The story follows the interactions between Roseanne and her doctor and Roseanne's rather harrowing early history, through the alternating journal entries of each. I have read a number of reviews of this book by professional and novice alike and it seems most laud Barry's writing prowess but some dislike what they consider the unrealistic plot contrivances and coincidences. Some also believe Roseanne's trials overly harsh and therefore somewhat unbelievable. I have to say I do not agree with either of these opinions. I was mesmerised by the book and found it swept me up and took me completely into Roseanne's world of very limited options, presided over by some very self-serving and self-deluded individuals. There is one final revelation at the end of the book which many readers may see coming - I did not. That is why I am the darling of all crime writers! I hardly ever see these sorts of things coming. But I found with The Secret Scripture, I was avidly reading along, so much in the present moment that my heart gave a flip when I read this final revelation. I thought the whole book superb and would class it as the best book I have read so far this year. It was on the recent Booker shortlist but lost out to Aravinda Adiga's The White Tiger. It has however, subsequently won the Costa Book Award. I cannot recommend it highly enough.Finally, but most importantly, thank you for all the well-wishes and emails received on my last post. It's very hard to face the mortality of one's own parent (or any close friend or family member I am sure) but I feel being able to write about it here lets me put down some of the load, even for short time, which is a blessed and restorative relief indeed :-) Also, I hope now to have time to go blog visiting and all sorts of wonderfully normal life-stuff like that ...
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
The Planned and the Unplanned
It has been a topsy-turvey couple of weeks here.
On the "Unplanned" side of the ledger (and life!) is that my Dad has developed cancer of the bowel again. And gallstones. And has some "mysterious thickening" on the tip of his pancreas. He has surgery tomorrow to remove the bowel cancer and the gall bladder and if it turns out the "thickening" on the pancreas is cancer, then that portion of the pancreas too. We are all hoping that the "thickening" on the pancreas is from scarring that occurred to Dad's pancreas some 14 years ago when he spent 13 weeks in intensive care for pancreatitis (after some initial bowel cancer!). As you can see, he's had his fair share of dire illnesses and being now 75 years of age, an 8 hour surgery will be very trying in and of itself. I will be travelling down to see him on Thursday and we will see what happens from there. Fingers crossed XXXXXXXXXXXXX.
On the "Planned" side of the ledger:
1. On a more banal note, I have been re-arranging my bedroom to finally store all the bits and pieces that had started to accumulate on the floor - a picture of it now graces the header of this blog. My bedroom has become even more of my sanctuary now. All I really need is a kettle, some tea, milk and sugar and I could survive in here for days.
2. I have planted some more vegetable seeds - beans, leeks, spring onions and beetroot. We have since had two periods of rain so I hope that has given them a good "watering in".
3. I have been eagerly awaiting the Sydney Writer's Festival program. It arrived on the weekend and I have been busy consulting it and some other interested parties on the best talks to attend. Based on these, I now have a reading list which I hope to accomplish by the end of May:
- Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - This book won the 2007 Man Booker Prize and I had been considering it for my book club for some time. I have now delayed choosing Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese (which I have heard nothing but praise for, so I can't wait to get back to it) so we can all read this book before seeing Adichie in person.
- The Suspicions of Mr Whicher by Kate Summerscale - I have actually just finished this one. It is a work of non-fiction that pieces together a murder case from 1860. It is meticulous and marvellous and I can't wait to hear Summerscale speak on the topic.
- The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidge - I had purchased this book some time ago and now have a greater impetus to start it. It peeks my medical interest and concerns neural plasticity and how the brain can and does change over time.
- Butterfly by Sonya Hartnett - I had picked Hartnett's previous work for my book club a little while ago and we were all amazed at her writing ability. She is an Australian writer and it is always good to support home-grown talent!
- Stuff White People Like by Christian Lander - I have previously read this book too. It started out as a blog. It is a satirical look at what Lander calls "... the scared cows of lefty Caucasian culture." Topics include the Toyota Prius, recycling, vegetarianism, organic foods and my absolute favourite, gifted children. This book is a hoot, but don't read it if you can't laugh at yourself!
- Ochre and Rust by Philip Jones - I love reading about human evolution and this books traces the "biography" of Australian Aboriginal artifacts.
So you know where I will be over the next month or so - either at my father's bedside trying to cheer him through recovery or reading the above list of books. Maybe Dad might like being read to ... now that's an idea :-)
On the "Unplanned" side of the ledger (and life!) is that my Dad has developed cancer of the bowel again. And gallstones. And has some "mysterious thickening" on the tip of his pancreas. He has surgery tomorrow to remove the bowel cancer and the gall bladder and if it turns out the "thickening" on the pancreas is cancer, then that portion of the pancreas too. We are all hoping that the "thickening" on the pancreas is from scarring that occurred to Dad's pancreas some 14 years ago when he spent 13 weeks in intensive care for pancreatitis (after some initial bowel cancer!). As you can see, he's had his fair share of dire illnesses and being now 75 years of age, an 8 hour surgery will be very trying in and of itself. I will be travelling down to see him on Thursday and we will see what happens from there. Fingers crossed XXXXXXXXXXXXX.
On the "Planned" side of the ledger:
1. On a more banal note, I have been re-arranging my bedroom to finally store all the bits and pieces that had started to accumulate on the floor - a picture of it now graces the header of this blog. My bedroom has become even more of my sanctuary now. All I really need is a kettle, some tea, milk and sugar and I could survive in here for days.
2. I have planted some more vegetable seeds - beans, leeks, spring onions and beetroot. We have since had two periods of rain so I hope that has given them a good "watering in".
3. I have been eagerly awaiting the Sydney Writer's Festival program. It arrived on the weekend and I have been busy consulting it and some other interested parties on the best talks to attend. Based on these, I now have a reading list which I hope to accomplish by the end of May:
- Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - This book won the 2007 Man Booker Prize and I had been considering it for my book club for some time. I have now delayed choosing Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese (which I have heard nothing but praise for, so I can't wait to get back to it) so we can all read this book before seeing Adichie in person. - The Suspicions of Mr Whicher by Kate Summerscale - I have actually just finished this one. It is a work of non-fiction that pieces together a murder case from 1860. It is meticulous and marvellous and I can't wait to hear Summerscale speak on the topic.
- The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidge - I had purchased this book some time ago and now have a greater impetus to start it. It peeks my medical interest and concerns neural plasticity and how the brain can and does change over time.
- Butterfly by Sonya Hartnett - I had picked Hartnett's previous work for my book club a little while ago and we were all amazed at her writing ability. She is an Australian writer and it is always good to support home-grown talent!
- Stuff White People Like by Christian Lander - I have previously read this book too. It started out as a blog. It is a satirical look at what Lander calls "... the scared cows of lefty Caucasian culture." Topics include the Toyota Prius, recycling, vegetarianism, organic foods and my absolute favourite, gifted children. This book is a hoot, but don't read it if you can't laugh at yourself!
- Ochre and Rust by Philip Jones - I love reading about human evolution and this books traces the "biography" of Australian Aboriginal artifacts.
So you know where I will be over the next month or so - either at my father's bedside trying to cheer him through recovery or reading the above list of books. Maybe Dad might like being read to ... now that's an idea :-)
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Falling Way Behind ... Again.
Well, at least I have been reading blogs (and commenting very sporadically, unfortunately) over the past three weeks. The early morning starts of the new school year are doing their damnedest to destroy my good cheer. My mood has generally been improving, with a bad day probably about once or twice a week - but without adequate sleep I know all my good work tends to get sabotaged. Anyway, I am definitely feeling better than I did in the last six months of last year. I am having small epiphanies too, where I will just stop what I am doing, look around and know that life is good. Small moments of joy. They are very nice indeed.
Firstly though I wish to have a small rant about homework. Just a small one - I need to blow off some steam! I know I have said it in the past but I am going to say it again - I do not agree with the amount and frequency of homework being given to my now, seven year old daughter. These are my reasons:
1. By the afternoon she is tired; physically and mentally. Homework time results in tears, generally of frustration on both our behalves!
2. I limit the amount of after-school activities for the same reason but on the two afternoons we have something to go to, coming home and then doing homework is all nigh impossible.
3. Who is all this homework for? I have a suspicion it is not totally for the benefit of the child. I know that parents want the best for their children but I do not believe this need include as much homework as is currently given.
4. I believe free play time to be vitally important but it is being rapidly eroded by the requirement to do homework.
5. I have consulted the literature and it seems there is a growing body of research that shows, especially for primary school aged children, that homework is more of a hindrance than a help.
6. Finally, and this is going to make me sound very old indeed, I don't remember doing a scrap of homework until about sixth class (maybe some spelling words here and there before then) and somehow I made it through high school and university unscathed.
I feel there is a place for a limited amount of age-appropriate homework but definitely not the amount that seems to be sent home these days.
Now, for something a bit lighter. I was sent some bookish questions by Karen* over at Bookbath blog and here they are (plus my answers, of course):
1. If you could make sure that every woman in the world would read one book, what book would it be?
Now if you asked my husband he would probably say The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf or Backlash by Susan Faludi - he's the one in our household that has read these (and then passed on a verbal summary to me!) But for me I would have to say Gifts From the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh as in it, she tells of the vital importance to women (especially mothers) of giving themselves the gift of time - to be alone, to pursue a goal, to have a space all of one's own.
2. What would be the title of your autobiography?
Everything I Know I Learnt From Books Plus Other Nutty Tales
3. What would be the one book you would take with you on a trip around the world?
It would have to be a big bulky one - especially if I was only allowed one! Are collected works allowed? If so, The Collected Works of Jane Austen (who else).
4. Who is your favourite female literary character?
Elizabeth Bennet would definitely be in my top five but the one that really stands out in my mind is Cassandra Mortmain - who narrates I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith. I absolutely loved this book and quickly lent it to mother who then read it and lost it!
5. Who is your favourite female author?
I would probably have to give you my top five: Lily Brett, Helen Garner, Margaret Atwood, Sarah Waters and Jane Austen. (The first two are Australian, the third Canadian and the last two, British. I am sure I must love a female American author too but my fuzzy brain won't recall one right now.)
Also, it seems I have read 8 books since my last post - I have basically given up watching television and any other activity besides attending to family, to create the space to support my book reading habit! Here are a few quick summaries (see my sidebar for links to librarything for each).
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay - Very long and detailed. Some very involving sections interspersed with others that made me yawn by a writer who was very obviously in love with his topic (comic books and their history).
Enough: Breaking Free of the World of More - I think the subtitle says it all. A thought provoking study of the world of consumerism which helped me see even more opportunities to cut down and par back in life (except on books of course!)
The Patient - I like books on medical topics - especially the interface between its technical side and human face. This book is non-fiction, from an Australian perspective and follows a patient through the hospital system after a diagnosis of cancer. Even though our health care system is heavily subsidised by the government, those without health insurance here can and do get a very low standard of care. Frightening. (If you like medical books I can also recommend the works by Atul Gawande - excellent).
The Meaning of Night - I seem to be reading a lot of murder-mysteries set in the Victorian period, at the moment. This is quite a long book but I thoroughly enjoyed it. It is the first of a series. Some of the reasoning it contained was a bit far-fetched but it was quite unique in that the narrator is a murderer himself and it is therefore hard to know where to put one's sympathies!
The Reader - I wanted to see the current movie version and decided to reread the book, as it isn't very long. I read it about ten years ago and found I picked up a lot more of the clues about the lead female character this time around.
Confessions of a Slacker Mom - Another book that helped to reinforce my own prejudices ;-) While I didn't see eye to eye with the author on some things, there is enough here that I agree with.
Into The Tunnel - This was a book that I stumbled across at my local library. It is a short book that details the life of just one, previously anonymous, German-Jewish girl. The author was able to locate quite a bit of information about her and her family. I found the inclusion of original documents to be incredibly immediate and horrifying. This is a book I would highly recommend to those who are interested in this genre.
Still Alice - This book has only very recently been released and I snapped it up as, like I said above, I tend to like books that discuss medical conditions. This is a work of fiction and concerns a woman in her early 50's that is diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's disease. I found this book utterly compelling. I thought the main character and her family was well drawn and at times I had to remind myself that it was a work of fiction. It is a work by a debut author and I will definitely be looking out for her next book.
Well, I really need to come back here more often and do smaller, more regular posts. Oh well, got to strike while the iron is hot - or so they say :-)
* Thanks for the questions Karen - and the award you recently gave me. It helps to know that despite my erratic posting someone is still reading me, somewhere!
Firstly though I wish to have a small rant about homework. Just a small one - I need to blow off some steam! I know I have said it in the past but I am going to say it again - I do not agree with the amount and frequency of homework being given to my now, seven year old daughter. These are my reasons:
1. By the afternoon she is tired; physically and mentally. Homework time results in tears, generally of frustration on both our behalves!
2. I limit the amount of after-school activities for the same reason but on the two afternoons we have something to go to, coming home and then doing homework is all nigh impossible.
3. Who is all this homework for? I have a suspicion it is not totally for the benefit of the child. I know that parents want the best for their children but I do not believe this need include as much homework as is currently given.
4. I believe free play time to be vitally important but it is being rapidly eroded by the requirement to do homework.
5. I have consulted the literature and it seems there is a growing body of research that shows, especially for primary school aged children, that homework is more of a hindrance than a help.
6. Finally, and this is going to make me sound very old indeed, I don't remember doing a scrap of homework until about sixth class (maybe some spelling words here and there before then) and somehow I made it through high school and university unscathed.
I feel there is a place for a limited amount of age-appropriate homework but definitely not the amount that seems to be sent home these days.
Now, for something a bit lighter. I was sent some bookish questions by Karen* over at Bookbath blog and here they are (plus my answers, of course):
1. If you could make sure that every woman in the world would read one book, what book would it be?
Now if you asked my husband he would probably say The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf or Backlash by Susan Faludi - he's the one in our household that has read these (and then passed on a verbal summary to me!) But for me I would have to say Gifts From the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh as in it, she tells of the vital importance to women (especially mothers) of giving themselves the gift of time - to be alone, to pursue a goal, to have a space all of one's own.
2. What would be the title of your autobiography?
Everything I Know I Learnt From Books Plus Other Nutty Tales
3. What would be the one book you would take with you on a trip around the world?
It would have to be a big bulky one - especially if I was only allowed one! Are collected works allowed? If so, The Collected Works of Jane Austen (who else).
4. Who is your favourite female literary character?
Elizabeth Bennet would definitely be in my top five but the one that really stands out in my mind is Cassandra Mortmain - who narrates I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith. I absolutely loved this book and quickly lent it to mother who then read it and lost it!
5. Who is your favourite female author?
I would probably have to give you my top five: Lily Brett, Helen Garner, Margaret Atwood, Sarah Waters and Jane Austen. (The first two are Australian, the third Canadian and the last two, British. I am sure I must love a female American author too but my fuzzy brain won't recall one right now.)
Also, it seems I have read 8 books since my last post - I have basically given up watching television and any other activity besides attending to family, to create the space to support my book reading habit! Here are a few quick summaries (see my sidebar for links to librarything for each).
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay - Very long and detailed. Some very involving sections interspersed with others that made me yawn by a writer who was very obviously in love with his topic (comic books and their history).
Enough: Breaking Free of the World of More - I think the subtitle says it all. A thought provoking study of the world of consumerism which helped me see even more opportunities to cut down and par back in life (except on books of course!)
The Patient - I like books on medical topics - especially the interface between its technical side and human face. This book is non-fiction, from an Australian perspective and follows a patient through the hospital system after a diagnosis of cancer. Even though our health care system is heavily subsidised by the government, those without health insurance here can and do get a very low standard of care. Frightening. (If you like medical books I can also recommend the works by Atul Gawande - excellent).The Meaning of Night - I seem to be reading a lot of murder-mysteries set in the Victorian period, at the moment. This is quite a long book but I thoroughly enjoyed it. It is the first of a series. Some of the reasoning it contained was a bit far-fetched but it was quite unique in that the narrator is a murderer himself and it is therefore hard to know where to put one's sympathies!
The Reader - I wanted to see the current movie version and decided to reread the book, as it isn't very long. I read it about ten years ago and found I picked up a lot more of the clues about the lead female character this time around.
Confessions of a Slacker Mom - Another book that helped to reinforce my own prejudices ;-) While I didn't see eye to eye with the author on some things, there is enough here that I agree with.
Into The Tunnel - This was a book that I stumbled across at my local library. It is a short book that details the life of just one, previously anonymous, German-Jewish girl. The author was able to locate quite a bit of information about her and her family. I found the inclusion of original documents to be incredibly immediate and horrifying. This is a book I would highly recommend to those who are interested in this genre.Still Alice - This book has only very recently been released and I snapped it up as, like I said above, I tend to like books that discuss medical conditions. This is a work of fiction and concerns a woman in her early 50's that is diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's disease. I found this book utterly compelling. I thought the main character and her family was well drawn and at times I had to remind myself that it was a work of fiction. It is a work by a debut author and I will definitely be looking out for her next book.
Well, I really need to come back here more often and do smaller, more regular posts. Oh well, got to strike while the iron is hot - or so they say :-)
* Thanks for the questions Karen - and the award you recently gave me. It helps to know that despite my erratic posting someone is still reading me, somewhere!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Life and Book Choices - Some Notes
Well, it has been a rather harrowing week or so in Australia so I would firstly like to send my heartfelt condolences to the bush fire victims and their families in Victoria. It is all so very, very sad. I think this event, the current economic downturn, the election result in the U.S. and a new thoughtfulness concerning the climate and our broader environment have shown that we, as humans, really would rather connect with our community, support each other and lead more thoughtful lives. It could all be taken away tomorrow and who wants written on their gravestone "... life was great but I really wished I'd had a bigger television." Not me.
Anyway, on a lighter note I have been thinking about my book choices of late and how they, consciously or unconsciously in some cases, fit into my life. While I was in Canada, I had the opportunity to really relax and read to my heart's content on many of the days there - in cafes, in our suite overlooking the mountains, in bed! And I have to give myself a pat on the back for choosing the books to take with me so well :-) All other booklovers will understand how fraught this choice can be - not that there wasn't ample opportunity to buy more books while I was there!
On the flight over I was reading Deanna Raybourn's Silent in the Grave. This is rather a deceptive book in that on first appearances it seems a rather straight forward Victorian era murder mystery. But as I was reading I found I was becoming increasingly attached to the lead character, Lady Julia Grey! She has all sorts of very human foibles and quirks and I loved her for them. And the brooding lead male character wasn't that bad either ;-) Also, I was thinking I pretty much had the mystery all sorted out but while I had some of it right, a lot of the reasons behind it all were really surprising, but to my mind, also credible. Like life really, well mine anyway. I do all this thinking, to-ing and fro-ing, looking at things from every conceivable angle and then still not seeing the full picture. This used to disturb me a great deal; now I kind of like the surprise as life shouldn't be dull! There is already another two books in the series and I will definitely be reading those too.
The next book I read was Netherland by Joseph O'Neill. I have compiled a list of Best Books for 2008 from various sources (blogs, newspapers, magazines, word-of-mouth) and this book is on it. Ostensibly it is about the devolution of a marriage - the whys, wherefores, influences, etc. But under that outer layer is a meditation on relationships; friends, family, spouses, parents and the effect that your country of birth or national character can have on them too. Also included is a vast discussion of cricket! And I have to say I quite like watching cricket and have done so since I was very young. It was one of the things I did with my dad - I also watched football and car racing too. I am somewhat alone amongst my girlfriends in that I know most of the rules and can talk fluent cricket, footy and racing with their husbands ;-) It is part of my history and a connection to my father that I carry around with me and while I was in Canada I realised it is part of a shared history with my sister too. Now, I am not going to go out and buy the next cricketer's memoirs or Ricky Ponting's Ashes Diary (sorry to all overseas readers but I'm not going to spend the time explaining that last reference!) but I did really enjoy this book but would also like to say that all my talk of cricket shouldn't put the uninitiated off.
The next book I read was Come on Shore and We Will Kill and Eat You All by Christina Thompson. What a title eh? It was the first thing that made me notice it along with a couple of glowing reviews in the Australian press. I truly thought that this was one of the most remarkable books I have read in a while. It is a mixture of the history of first contact between Europeans and the islanders of New Zealand. It also charts the more personal relationship between the U.S. writer and a New Zealand Maori man she meets while visiting there. They eventually marry and live all over the place - Australia, Hawaii and then finally Boston in the U.S. Thompson states that she has been intrigued by stories of first contact all her life and I have to say that they have intrigued me too. When I returned to university as a mature-age student to study English Literature (having previously received a Bachelor of Commerce) one of my subjects studied this phenomenon. The books I read while doing this course, which included Typee and Billy Budd Sailor, both by Herman Melville, proved an excellent background to this book. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.
On the very, very, very, very, loooooooong flight(s) back to Australia I could not have picked a better book to read - Wally Lamb's The Hour I First Believed. I had not read any of Lamb's previous works (I Know This Much Is True and She's Come Undone) but was captured by the subject matter and Karen's (Bookbath blog) glowing review. This book follows the story of a man and wife in the aftermath of the Columbine High School shootings. But it is so much more than that one event. It also covers mental health, high school culture, prison culture, the Iraq War, the U.S. Civil War, the impact of sudden loss, terror, motivation, the nature of love and connection. I could go on and on. It had a lot of contemporary portions but also some historical ones. I loved them all. It is a very long book but I did not seem to notice. As I have previously written about, in some of my past posts, I tend to wonder, somewhat more than average I believe, how I would acquit myself in a sudden, terrifying incident. What I do know, is that I will never know for sure, but reading about how others have fared (fictional and real alike, as those in Victoria have recently attested) helps me to see some of the range of reactions and how it is never only a simple question of right or wrong - luck seems to have a lot of say too.
Well, I have read two more books since these but I will sign off for now and leave those for another day. I remind myself that I am grateful for that very fact ...
Anyway, on a lighter note I have been thinking about my book choices of late and how they, consciously or unconsciously in some cases, fit into my life. While I was in Canada, I had the opportunity to really relax and read to my heart's content on many of the days there - in cafes, in our suite overlooking the mountains, in bed! And I have to give myself a pat on the back for choosing the books to take with me so well :-) All other booklovers will understand how fraught this choice can be - not that there wasn't ample opportunity to buy more books while I was there!
On the flight over I was reading Deanna Raybourn's Silent in the Grave. This is rather a deceptive book in that on first appearances it seems a rather straight forward Victorian era murder mystery. But as I was reading I found I was becoming increasingly attached to the lead character, Lady Julia Grey! She has all sorts of very human foibles and quirks and I loved her for them. And the brooding lead male character wasn't that bad either ;-) Also, I was thinking I pretty much had the mystery all sorted out but while I had some of it right, a lot of the reasons behind it all were really surprising, but to my mind, also credible. Like life really, well mine anyway. I do all this thinking, to-ing and fro-ing, looking at things from every conceivable angle and then still not seeing the full picture. This used to disturb me a great deal; now I kind of like the surprise as life shouldn't be dull! There is already another two books in the series and I will definitely be reading those too.
The next book I read was Netherland by Joseph O'Neill. I have compiled a list of Best Books for 2008 from various sources (blogs, newspapers, magazines, word-of-mouth) and this book is on it. Ostensibly it is about the devolution of a marriage - the whys, wherefores, influences, etc. But under that outer layer is a meditation on relationships; friends, family, spouses, parents and the effect that your country of birth or national character can have on them too. Also included is a vast discussion of cricket! And I have to say I quite like watching cricket and have done so since I was very young. It was one of the things I did with my dad - I also watched football and car racing too. I am somewhat alone amongst my girlfriends in that I know most of the rules and can talk fluent cricket, footy and racing with their husbands ;-) It is part of my history and a connection to my father that I carry around with me and while I was in Canada I realised it is part of a shared history with my sister too. Now, I am not going to go out and buy the next cricketer's memoirs or Ricky Ponting's Ashes Diary (sorry to all overseas readers but I'm not going to spend the time explaining that last reference!) but I did really enjoy this book but would also like to say that all my talk of cricket shouldn't put the uninitiated off.
The next book I read was Come on Shore and We Will Kill and Eat You All by Christina Thompson. What a title eh? It was the first thing that made me notice it along with a couple of glowing reviews in the Australian press. I truly thought that this was one of the most remarkable books I have read in a while. It is a mixture of the history of first contact between Europeans and the islanders of New Zealand. It also charts the more personal relationship between the U.S. writer and a New Zealand Maori man she meets while visiting there. They eventually marry and live all over the place - Australia, Hawaii and then finally Boston in the U.S. Thompson states that she has been intrigued by stories of first contact all her life and I have to say that they have intrigued me too. When I returned to university as a mature-age student to study English Literature (having previously received a Bachelor of Commerce) one of my subjects studied this phenomenon. The books I read while doing this course, which included Typee and Billy Budd Sailor, both by Herman Melville, proved an excellent background to this book. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.
On the very, very, very, very, loooooooong flight(s) back to Australia I could not have picked a better book to read - Wally Lamb's The Hour I First Believed. I had not read any of Lamb's previous works (I Know This Much Is True and She's Come Undone) but was captured by the subject matter and Karen's (Bookbath blog) glowing review. This book follows the story of a man and wife in the aftermath of the Columbine High School shootings. But it is so much more than that one event. It also covers mental health, high school culture, prison culture, the Iraq War, the U.S. Civil War, the impact of sudden loss, terror, motivation, the nature of love and connection. I could go on and on. It had a lot of contemporary portions but also some historical ones. I loved them all. It is a very long book but I did not seem to notice. As I have previously written about, in some of my past posts, I tend to wonder, somewhat more than average I believe, how I would acquit myself in a sudden, terrifying incident. What I do know, is that I will never know for sure, but reading about how others have fared (fictional and real alike, as those in Victoria have recently attested) helps me to see some of the range of reactions and how it is never only a simple question of right or wrong - luck seems to have a lot of say too.Well, I have read two more books since these but I will sign off for now and leave those for another day. I remind myself that I am grateful for that very fact ...
Friday, January 30, 2009
I'm Back - I Think!
Well, I have just spent an hour and a half fixing up my template to reflect the new reading year so this post shall be short and sweet. After 27 hours of travelling, I:
... woke up to this,
... skied on snow like this,
... shopped and drank many warming coffees in the pretty village,
... took in the surrounds where the Winter Olympics of 2010 will be held,
... rode a long way above the earth in one of these,
... went to sleep by the light of these,
... which all made me do a lot of this!
It well and truly was a great break - I skied, I read, I drank many coffees and teas, I shopped, I ate (much of which was cooked by others!) and I slept in. By the time I got back it felt like I had been away a very long time - which must be the definition of a really good holiday.
I'll be back soon to do a run down of all the reading I did while away but in the meantime I will come and visit you all and see what's being going on while I was gone :-)
... woke up to this,
... skied on snow like this,
... shopped and drank many warming coffees in the pretty village,
... took in the surrounds where the Winter Olympics of 2010 will be held,
... rode a long way above the earth in one of these,
... went to sleep by the light of these,
... which all made me do a lot of this!
It well and truly was a great break - I skied, I read, I drank many coffees and teas, I shopped, I ate (much of which was cooked by others!) and I slept in. By the time I got back it felt like I had been away a very long time - which must be the definition of a really good holiday.
I'll be back soon to do a run down of all the reading I did while away but in the meantime I will come and visit you all and see what's being going on while I was gone :-)
Friday, January 02, 2009
The Year in Review and a New Year Adventure
First of all I wish you all the best for the coming year! Has it really been 4 weeks since my last post? Time flies when you are having a two week beach holiday followed by a one week head cold! Also, thank you for all your supportive comments on my last post. I have to admit that this incident did leave a bad taste in my mouth and as such I did not post before I went away on holiday - I preferred to let it lie, as it were and return refreshed after Christmas/New Year. So, here I am!
I have been updating my Books Read 2008 and Book Club Reading lists on my sidebar and will henceforth list my favourite books of the year. In summary, I read 62 books for the year (down a little on last year and a somewhat disappointing total seeing it's pretty much my only hobby!), which was evenly divided between fiction and non-fiction. On the whole, I feel my non-fiction reading was substantially more satisfying and particularly life-changing in many cases.
Non-Fiction - Best of 2008
1. Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan - I have not eaten in the same way since.
2. In Defence of Food by Micheal Pollan - As above! Also, many of his ten basic ideas for eating better stay with me wherever I go.
3. Under Pressure by Carl Honore - Probably preaching to the converted but helped fortify my resolve to simplify and cut-back the barrage of activities that my children and I negotiate each and every day. All power to free play!
4. Little Heathens by Mildred Armstrong Kalish - This was one of my final reads of the year and I LOVED it. I think its sub-heading says it all - Hard Times and High Spirits on an Iowa Farm During the Great Depression (with recipes!) I think this one may be of particular interest to the ladies over at Before Our Time.
5. Eat Your Heart Out by Felicity Lawrence - This book actually made me angry - something which I assiduously try and avoid while reading. Factory based food production and what it is doing to people, family, environment, customs and culture - simply bad, bad, bad.
6. Shopped by Joanna Blythman - Just apply all the lessons learned about factory based food production and apply them to their biggest outlet - supermarkets. Continental Europe still seem to know how to shop, prepare and eat real food.
7. Bottlemania by Elizabeth Royte - All about bottled water. I now refuse to get excited about it or buy it any more.
8. A Mind of It's Own by Cordelia Fine - The inner workings of the mind and how it likes to fool us all. Fascinating book with some eye-opening studies and research.
Fiction - Best of 2008
1. Sophie's Choice by William Styron - One of the best books I have ever read, period.
2. Small Island by Andrea Levy - Many voices woven together with skill and compassion. I will definitely return to this writer.
3. Loving Frank by Nancy Horan - Informative, interesting and highly compassionate historical story based on fact with a very sad twist in it's tale. Be warned - DO NOT look up any of the characters in Wikipedia before reading - let Horan's words speak first!
4. Fugitive Pieces by Anne Micheals - I finished this book on New Year's Eve! Some of the most lyrical prose I have read in a long time. A movie version has just been released and it has received some good reviews so I hope to see it soon.
5. Cranford by Elizabeth Gaskell - reminds me why I like Victorian literature.
6. The Spare Room by Helen Garner - I love this Australian writer. I have read many of her non-fiction books but this was the first of her fiction I have read. Honest, beautiful prose and story.
7. Monsters of Templeton by Lauren Groff - Interesting and quirky small town fable. If only I could write like this!
Funniest Books of 2008
1. Stuff White People Like by Christian Lander - If you can't laugh at yourself, don't read this book! I can't bring myself to list how much of the stuff applied to my world. Sad but true.
2. A Fraction of the Whole by Steve Toltz - This was short-listed for the Booker Prize and was written by an Australian. It was long, it went off on many tangents, but it was involving and made me laugh out loud on MANY occasions.
Feel Good Read of 2008
Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer - Many people loved this book, while a smaller number loathed it - I can see the merit of both cases. My advice, if you want a light read that ultimately has joy at its heart - read on!
So, 2008, that's a wrap. (Please see my sidebar for book links.)
I am looking forward to checking in with you all in the coming 5 days after which I am off to Whistler, Canada for two weeks with one of my sisters - sans kids! I think Mr J (with the help of my parents) is trying to restore some of the imbalance created by his business travel. Whatever - I don't tend to tally up stuff like that but I am very happy to go on an adventure - happy but nervous at the same time. You mums know what I'm talking about!
I have been updating my Books Read 2008 and Book Club Reading lists on my sidebar and will henceforth list my favourite books of the year. In summary, I read 62 books for the year (down a little on last year and a somewhat disappointing total seeing it's pretty much my only hobby!), which was evenly divided between fiction and non-fiction. On the whole, I feel my non-fiction reading was substantially more satisfying and particularly life-changing in many cases.
Non-Fiction - Best of 2008
1. Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan - I have not eaten in the same way since.
2. In Defence of Food by Micheal Pollan - As above! Also, many of his ten basic ideas for eating better stay with me wherever I go.
3. Under Pressure by Carl Honore - Probably preaching to the converted but helped fortify my resolve to simplify and cut-back the barrage of activities that my children and I negotiate each and every day. All power to free play!
4. Little Heathens by Mildred Armstrong Kalish - This was one of my final reads of the year and I LOVED it. I think its sub-heading says it all - Hard Times and High Spirits on an Iowa Farm During the Great Depression (with recipes!) I think this one may be of particular interest to the ladies over at Before Our Time.
5. Eat Your Heart Out by Felicity Lawrence - This book actually made me angry - something which I assiduously try and avoid while reading. Factory based food production and what it is doing to people, family, environment, customs and culture - simply bad, bad, bad.
6. Shopped by Joanna Blythman - Just apply all the lessons learned about factory based food production and apply them to their biggest outlet - supermarkets. Continental Europe still seem to know how to shop, prepare and eat real food.
7. Bottlemania by Elizabeth Royte - All about bottled water. I now refuse to get excited about it or buy it any more.
8. A Mind of It's Own by Cordelia Fine - The inner workings of the mind and how it likes to fool us all. Fascinating book with some eye-opening studies and research.
Fiction - Best of 2008
1. Sophie's Choice by William Styron - One of the best books I have ever read, period.
2. Small Island by Andrea Levy - Many voices woven together with skill and compassion. I will definitely return to this writer.
3. Loving Frank by Nancy Horan - Informative, interesting and highly compassionate historical story based on fact with a very sad twist in it's tale. Be warned - DO NOT look up any of the characters in Wikipedia before reading - let Horan's words speak first!
4. Fugitive Pieces by Anne Micheals - I finished this book on New Year's Eve! Some of the most lyrical prose I have read in a long time. A movie version has just been released and it has received some good reviews so I hope to see it soon.
5. Cranford by Elizabeth Gaskell - reminds me why I like Victorian literature.
6. The Spare Room by Helen Garner - I love this Australian writer. I have read many of her non-fiction books but this was the first of her fiction I have read. Honest, beautiful prose and story.
7. Monsters of Templeton by Lauren Groff - Interesting and quirky small town fable. If only I could write like this!
Funniest Books of 2008
1. Stuff White People Like by Christian Lander - If you can't laugh at yourself, don't read this book! I can't bring myself to list how much of the stuff applied to my world. Sad but true.
2. A Fraction of the Whole by Steve Toltz - This was short-listed for the Booker Prize and was written by an Australian. It was long, it went off on many tangents, but it was involving and made me laugh out loud on MANY occasions.
Feel Good Read of 2008
Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer - Many people loved this book, while a smaller number loathed it - I can see the merit of both cases. My advice, if you want a light read that ultimately has joy at its heart - read on!
So, 2008, that's a wrap. (Please see my sidebar for book links.)
I am looking forward to checking in with you all in the coming 5 days after which I am off to Whistler, Canada for two weeks with one of my sisters - sans kids! I think Mr J (with the help of my parents) is trying to restore some of the imbalance created by his business travel. Whatever - I don't tend to tally up stuff like that but I am very happy to go on an adventure - happy but nervous at the same time. You mums know what I'm talking about!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Books Read 2008
Friday, December 05, 2008
I Really Am A Nice Person - I Promise
I may over-think things sometimes and over-complicate very simple issues at others, I may write stuff that is uninteresting and/or annoying, I may comment on a post you made over two weeks ago or may I may take a week (sorry Stomper) or even a couple of months (sorry Kris I am getting to it but your last email rang so true for me that I am wanting to give it serious attention and reply fully!) to return an email but I do try to be as pleasantly honest and as open as I can but I am truly stumped by the following email I received last week:
"Could you please stop commenting on my blog. I can't stop you visiting but I no longer want to receive any comments or opinions from you."
Now I am fine with someone no longer appreciating my visits and comments but what bewilders and rather annoys me is that I have been given no right of reply as it were (and I have let them know this in a return email). I suppose I would just like to know what I said that has caused such offence. The impetus behind my own blogging is to connect with others and openly discuss things (it being my blog!) that interest me. I am more than happy for someone to disagree with me. I am even happier being able to reply to all, agree-ers and disagree-ers, alike.
But really, I am not in the business of offending anyone and I will fully respect this blogger's wishes, but an opportunity for some personal growth (my own) has been missed by not telling me the reason for my banishment.
"Could you please stop commenting on my blog. I can't stop you visiting but I no longer want to receive any comments or opinions from you."
Now I am fine with someone no longer appreciating my visits and comments but what bewilders and rather annoys me is that I have been given no right of reply as it were (and I have let them know this in a return email). I suppose I would just like to know what I said that has caused such offence. The impetus behind my own blogging is to connect with others and openly discuss things (it being my blog!) that interest me. I am more than happy for someone to disagree with me. I am even happier being able to reply to all, agree-ers and disagree-ers, alike.
But really, I am not in the business of offending anyone and I will fully respect this blogger's wishes, but an opportunity for some personal growth (my own) has been missed by not telling me the reason for my banishment.
Monday, December 01, 2008
Nature, Nurture and The Whole Damn Business (and Books!)
When I was a young adult (around my early 20's) I remember not thinking at all much about children and in particular, having any of my own. At that time, if I could rend myself away from the social milieu for a few moments at all, I would have to admit to thinking that children were very malleable little beings and that they could (and should!) be kept under better control - especially at night-time open air concerts! You see, my early 20's were all about me and my enjoyment; little crying babies and toddlers should not be seen or heard. Oh so tolerant I was (not)! [As an aside, I still don't want to listen to babies and toddlers crying at night-time open air concerts and I particularly don't want to hear my own and therefore I generally leave them at home!]
Anyway, the reason I am revealing this somewhat unflattering view of my younger self is to divert this discussion to what I find most interesting about it now. Particularly, what I would call my inflated belief in the malleability of children; their behaviour and temperament. Now, I am not about to tell you a story about how my girls' did such and such and I wrote it off to "... well, that's just their way and I can't do much about it ..." Oh, no no no! But I am about to admit to a revised stance on this whole nature versus nurture debate. A revised stance that has come about since having my own children. Oh, what a few years, children and experience can do to one's long cherished (but sometimes completely baseless) opinions! Since having had my two girls, three years apart, I see how very different they are. I see them both developing under the same parenting regime and taking vastly different paths; reacting in differing degrees and ways. This is not to say that I don't think parents and parenting styles can have an impact on children - it's just the degree to which they do. Ultimately, I now think:
- that each child is an individual and will react to the prevailing parental style in their own way - some adhering to particular rules better (or differently) than others - depending on temperament,
- that the specificity of particular rules is not as important as the overriding vibe or atmosphere of the household, as instilled by the parents, for example, loving kindness, generosity, empathy, personal responsibility, etc etc.
- that due to differing temperaments, blanket and/or uniform rules may not always be the best approach. Some rules are iron-clad and non-negotiable, others age or behaviour dependent, for example.
But ultimately, my belief in the ascendancy of temperament and that to a certain degree, its inviolate nature, is born out by the findings of The Australian Temperament Project (unfortunately this has been taken off the web but I am sure is obtainable through Australian Government Printing shops) which has found that ultimately, one's temperament (whether you are generally shy or outgoing, introvert or extrovert, a listener or a talker, etc etc) stays with you into adulthood - it is only it's degree that can be altered and then rather disconcertingly, only slightly. This is not say that parents now have license to let children run wild - but there are limits to the influence of parents and other governing adults. [Please note that this research concerns normal family relations and does not in any way describe what can happen to children under the influence of extreme hardship or abuse.] I suppose, it is recognising those limits but still working with them and within them that matters the most.
Anyway, I am endlessly interested in this topic and would love to read other people's experience in this area.
Also, another reason I bring this topic up as that I have just finished reading We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver. This book won the Booker Prize a number of years ago and has, apparently, been a book club favourite ever since. So, not to buck the trend, I have just finished reading it for my book club! Summarily, (and I am not giving too much plot away here) this book is about a teenager, Kevin, who commits an atrocity at his high school and his and his family's back story, as related through a series of letters, by his mother Eva. Particularly, it is Kevin's relationship with his mother that comes under the spotlight and in this way questions the degree of her duplicity in his crime - in other words, how much influence do parents have on their children and how blameworthy are they when their children do horrible things? Can particularly malevolent children be that way from birth? Very, very thought-provoking. Shriver is a very sharp eyed observer and captured my attention almost instantaneously. She raises a number of perplexing issues but my main criticism of the book would concern the character of the father. I found his gullibility somewhat unconvincing but alternately it could just be a good description of a parent that simply cannot permit having anything but a high opinion of their child. It should promote good discussion at our meeting - but I won't be surprised if Shriver's style is not liked by all.
Another book I have finished recently was also for book club (I am a member of two). It was the 19th Wife by David Ebershoff. Primarily it concerns The Church of Latter Day Saints (Mormons), it's history and the decision in the late nineteenth century to no longer ascribe to the notion of polygamy. Other sects split from them at this time and (apparently) practice polygamy to this day. It mixes historical aspects with present day concerns - the present day portion also includes a murder mystery. I found this book to be a one note wonder. That one note being "... polygamy isn't that good, especially for the women ..." and I can well and truly say that I pretty much knew this before reading the book. The history sections are somewhat interesting but the whole book goes on far too long and the mystery portion was ultimately, for me, not overly compelling. I have to say by the end of it, I didn't really care to know the identity of the murderer and was mostly intent on just finishing it. If it wasn't for book club, I may not have done so. As it was my choice, I can only hang my head in shame ;-) But it seems my bookclub may not have enjoyed it as much as many others have seemed too (please follow my link to the librarything web page and the reviews contained there-in).
Anyway, the reason I am revealing this somewhat unflattering view of my younger self is to divert this discussion to what I find most interesting about it now. Particularly, what I would call my inflated belief in the malleability of children; their behaviour and temperament. Now, I am not about to tell you a story about how my girls' did such and such and I wrote it off to "... well, that's just their way and I can't do much about it ..." Oh, no no no! But I am about to admit to a revised stance on this whole nature versus nurture debate. A revised stance that has come about since having my own children. Oh, what a few years, children and experience can do to one's long cherished (but sometimes completely baseless) opinions! Since having had my two girls, three years apart, I see how very different they are. I see them both developing under the same parenting regime and taking vastly different paths; reacting in differing degrees and ways. This is not to say that I don't think parents and parenting styles can have an impact on children - it's just the degree to which they do. Ultimately, I now think:
- that each child is an individual and will react to the prevailing parental style in their own way - some adhering to particular rules better (or differently) than others - depending on temperament,
- that the specificity of particular rules is not as important as the overriding vibe or atmosphere of the household, as instilled by the parents, for example, loving kindness, generosity, empathy, personal responsibility, etc etc.
- that due to differing temperaments, blanket and/or uniform rules may not always be the best approach. Some rules are iron-clad and non-negotiable, others age or behaviour dependent, for example.
But ultimately, my belief in the ascendancy of temperament and that to a certain degree, its inviolate nature, is born out by the findings of The Australian Temperament Project (unfortunately this has been taken off the web but I am sure is obtainable through Australian Government Printing shops) which has found that ultimately, one's temperament (whether you are generally shy or outgoing, introvert or extrovert, a listener or a talker, etc etc) stays with you into adulthood - it is only it's degree that can be altered and then rather disconcertingly, only slightly. This is not say that parents now have license to let children run wild - but there are limits to the influence of parents and other governing adults. [Please note that this research concerns normal family relations and does not in any way describe what can happen to children under the influence of extreme hardship or abuse.] I suppose, it is recognising those limits but still working with them and within them that matters the most.
Anyway, I am endlessly interested in this topic and would love to read other people's experience in this area.
Also, another reason I bring this topic up as that I have just finished reading We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver. This book won the Booker Prize a number of years ago and has, apparently, been a book club favourite ever since. So, not to buck the trend, I have just finished reading it for my book club! Summarily, (and I am not giving too much plot away here) this book is about a teenager, Kevin, who commits an atrocity at his high school and his and his family's back story, as related through a series of letters, by his mother Eva. Particularly, it is Kevin's relationship with his mother that comes under the spotlight and in this way questions the degree of her duplicity in his crime - in other words, how much influence do parents have on their children and how blameworthy are they when their children do horrible things? Can particularly malevolent children be that way from birth? Very, very thought-provoking. Shriver is a very sharp eyed observer and captured my attention almost instantaneously. She raises a number of perplexing issues but my main criticism of the book would concern the character of the father. I found his gullibility somewhat unconvincing but alternately it could just be a good description of a parent that simply cannot permit having anything but a high opinion of their child. It should promote good discussion at our meeting - but I won't be surprised if Shriver's style is not liked by all.
Another book I have finished recently was also for book club (I am a member of two). It was the 19th Wife by David Ebershoff. Primarily it concerns The Church of Latter Day Saints (Mormons), it's history and the decision in the late nineteenth century to no longer ascribe to the notion of polygamy. Other sects split from them at this time and (apparently) practice polygamy to this day. It mixes historical aspects with present day concerns - the present day portion also includes a murder mystery. I found this book to be a one note wonder. That one note being "... polygamy isn't that good, especially for the women ..." and I can well and truly say that I pretty much knew this before reading the book. The history sections are somewhat interesting but the whole book goes on far too long and the mystery portion was ultimately, for me, not overly compelling. I have to say by the end of it, I didn't really care to know the identity of the murderer and was mostly intent on just finishing it. If it wasn't for book club, I may not have done so. As it was my choice, I can only hang my head in shame ;-) But it seems my bookclub may not have enjoyed it as much as many others have seemed too (please follow my link to the librarything web page and the reviews contained there-in).
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